Monthly Archives: December 2011

Post # 619 : OMG honey, our 3 month old is teething!

I have a baby. He does not cry. He feeds every 20 minutes; apart from feed that he wants after every diaper change, bath, massage. But I have a baby who does not cry.


Me : In the kitchen staring at … don’t remember what. With rhino-thorn hair, drenched in my own milk, one boob hanging out from the maternity bra.

Hubby : In the living room with baby darling.

Hubby : “Awesome”.

Me : Shaken out from my daze.

Hubby : “OMG honey, our 3 month old is teething!”.

Me : Dashes out, faster than milk comes from boobs, to the living room.

Hubby and Baby : Both grinning – one with a teeth-y smile , the other with the silhouette of a tooth.

Me : Faints.

Me : Wakes up after 20 minutes.

Baby feeds every 20 minutes.


Post # 620 : Dummies turn babies into freaks.

There is nothing uglier sadder than seeing a baby with a dummy in his mouth. If anything, starting your baby on dummies will help you heaps with bringing up a clingy child from hell.

Dummies make kids loo-natics. They also , not only make them highly dependent freaks but also, latter, these children end up with having eating problems. And these little freaks fussy , children refuse to talk. Try talkin’ with a tuna sandwich in your mouth. Or whatever your adult fantasy pacifier is. No, I am not interested in knowing your fantasies.

Starting your baby on dummies means you are suppressing an underlying need. Remember, babies are humans?

Imagine your boss starting you on dummies – so that you stop whining. What would happen? You would stop telling. Talking. Eating.  Your dummy would become your best friend. You would become a loo-natic. A freak.

So what do you do? You read my article on ‘crying. You check what’s wrong with your baby. Hungry? Sleepy? Uncomfortable?

There have  been nights … and days when i have been tempted to start my baby on dummies – he hasn’t caught the air of them – everytime i hear him cry i check my checklist, but sometimes he uses me as a human dummy. Ouch. But manageable. Yes. Hoorah!



Post # 621 : The shape of my baby’s head.

If you are a mom , you would know that this topic is mostly sensitive … and always downright offensive.

At 6 weeks postpartum, what i had to hear and bear was, ” WTF have you done to your kid’s head?”.’

The ventouse delivery had given my baby’s head a cone shape. With people talking about his head, all my aspirations of ‘making your kid comfortable in his own skin‘ went down the god forsaken drain. I could well see the kick , my kid’s head, was giving to people. So i fucked my aspirations – myself.

Plagiocephaly /craniofacial surgery was not an option – because we did not have the god damn money … and thankfully because his case wasn’t as severe.I started trying the old tricks – placing him, as much as my stubborn little guy would allow it, on his back – while playing, sleeping, munching on moma’s breast etc. etc.I also used my palm, under his head, when he was sleeping – to help straighten the cone shape – i have almost lost the blood supply to my hands.

Now that he is 3 and a half months old – you cannot tell him from a normal kid – or his head.

And after this, something more that i get to hear is … “Oh , but his nose is a funny shape”. “Try pinching it”. I tell them that’s his brain overflowing in his nose – my kid’s a genius! My kid’s awesome!

You can’t keep up with all the crap that people offer you know.

Post # 622 : Breast pumps freak me out.

I hate breast pumps. There. I have said it. It’s off my breasts chest. Out there in the open.That’s partly because I love feeding my baby au naturale – and majorly partly because i am friggin’ scared of the damn thing.

I saw this video sometime when i was pregnant …I watched it  in horror, sitting on all fours on the couch.

How to use a breast pump

First you gotta fit in your nipple in the tube.Then with a buzzing sound, you hafta wait while the nipple recalls producing milk, reaches out and gets around the job.It still gives me nightmares about my nipples:

Woman loses nipple to a breast pumpBreaking news on ‘what the fuck’ local news channel.

My breasts gush forth love … and milk at the sight of my baby. To replicate the experience, it is suggested in the vid and in general, that you put your baby’s pic in front of you… to get the gold flowing. WTF. To me, that feels like doing a friggin’ porno. You know.

I say ….

I feel for working moms or anyone, who cannot afford to feed their babies , and so resort to using breast pumps. As for myself, I say i am certainly more than a cow in the farm.

Disclaimer : All views in this post are intended at ‘me’, mumhoody, I , in no way, am ridiculing, judging, hurting, …. judging anyone or anybody, in particular or in general. All mothers are awesome.