Tag Archives: babies

Post # 620 : Dummies turn babies into freaks.

There is nothing uglier sadder than seeing a baby with a dummy in his mouth. If anything, starting your baby on dummies will help you heaps with bringing up a clingy child from hell.

Dummies make kids loo-natics. They also , not only make them highly dependent freaks but also, latter, these children end up with having eating problems. And these little freaks fussy , children refuse to talk. Try talkin’ with a tuna sandwich in your mouth. Or whatever your adult fantasy pacifier is. No, I am not interested in knowing your fantasies.

Starting your baby on dummies means you are suppressing an underlying need. Remember, babies are humans?

Imagine your boss starting you on dummies – so that you stop whining. What would happen? You would stop telling. Talking. Eating.  Your dummy would become your best friend. You would become a loo-natic. A freak.

So what do you do? You read my article on ‘crying. You check what’s wrong with your baby. Hungry? Sleepy? Uncomfortable?

There have  been nights … and days when i have been tempted to start my baby on dummies – he hasn’t caught the air of them – everytime i hear him cry i check my checklist, but sometimes he uses me as a human dummy. Ouch. But manageable. Yes. Hoorah!

 

 

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Post # 626: All kids are awesome.Bitch.


My baby wins. Your baby sucks. Yayyyyyy.

This is what every mother thinks about her every Tom, Dick and Harry. All and sundry.

Every child is gifted is cliched. But still quite true and quite quotable. i like to brag about mine. This does not mean that I am ridiculing yours. Let’s analyze a few responses when I tell them how smart my kid is.

The kid said ‘Boo’ when he was 3 weeks old when he wanted to be fed. He says it whenever his feeding object slips out from his mouth. The kid’s a friggin genius. Phew. Enough of the rant i guess. Let’s get to the facts.

So where were we? Yeah:

The Friend : Are you sure? Kids make random noises.

The Relative: Same shit here woman. Same ol’ same ol’.

The Other Relative : But his head is a funny shape.

The In-law : Let’s not even go there.

Post # 627 : When to say ‘no’ – baby sleeping schedule.

As I sit curled up on the couch, watching my baby sleep at 1 p.m. in the afternoon, oh the joys of stay-at-home-mums, i recall how i set up his sleeping routine. Man it was hell. Man he was a tough nut.

Back in the day when my hoo-haa was still raw and ugly. Split-and-stitched. I had had enough. Either the young man’s sleeping schedule was to get in line with mine. Or something like that.

So everyday, in the afternoon, i would drag my dead hoo-haa, draw the curtains, and feed the young guy in minimal light. i know feeding means connecting and shit but try doing that for 2 hours straight and … you know. At first he would suck for hours. At the end of which i would be so numb that i would feel rack-less. If you know what i mean.

This went on for days. I became more persistent. He became less stubborn.

He now sleeps from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. daily. God bless.

Baby Post # 628 : Crying absolutely does not help lungs to expand.

If anything crying helps you have a cranky, crabby, crazy baby. And no it certainly does not help lungs to expand. If that’s of any consolation. Hell no.

Like i say babies are human beings. I still stick by it. Would you leave your best friend alone if she’s crying her heart out over a dead lost boyfriend ? Worse when she is not comfy? Still worse if she is hungry?

Babies cry , generally and particularly for five reason. Mostly. Usually.

They are hungry

They are not comfy – too hot , too cold

They want to burp

They need to whistle like a railway engine – pass gas!

They are sleepy

So save yourself , her lungs, every one’s sanity and your baby’s well being by making a check list of the above.

And no crying absolutely does not help lungs to expand – neither yours, nor your babies.

Hello You!

Dear You,

Let me reveal a profound truth; hold your horses as this might shake your foundations :

   Babies are Humans

I stumbled upon the discovery, with the birth and consequent baby-incidences of my baby son – now 3 months old. In 630 days he would stumble upon his 2nd anniversary and become a man. i am a bit demanding, if you know what i mean.

So 630 it is, of very original posts that i would be sharing with you, one each day, resting on this basic  idea – babies are humans. Try disagreeing with me!  So instead of laying out a manual with chapters outlining how to handle the object called babies, i would share my everyday, sometimes smelly sometimes scenty, challenges and my way of handling the challenges with you to help you better manage the humans we call ‘our dear babies‘.

Now no more just promises and zero baby poo. Let’s get straight to business!

Sincerely, An N Mum.