Monthly Archives: November 2011

Post # 623 : Baby vaccination – oh hell.

There comes a time in a baby’s life when he starts seeing the evil side of life – that’s the vaccination time.

Last to last time, when my baby was vaccinated, it shook his baby foundations. The side effects were so bad that we called up the doc’s a dozen times. The damn Rotarix (Diarrhea) vaccination had turned my little guy into a baby zombie  an unresponsive baby.

And just yesterday, when they injected him with a combo of 4 vaccines, he has been into a demonic frenzy. Extremely fussy. Refuses to sleep. Striking his ‘vaccinated butt/thigh’ on the bed without a stop. And eating his fists. My heart goes out to my poor little guy.

Your baby can feel pain and fever. Calpol infant/Baby Panadol is a friend not a foe. Embrace it. Get yourself a good night’s sleep before you get your baby vaccinated. Be ready for a fussy baby who squirms and gets restless while sleeping.  Cuddle him. Till he gets tired of you. Yes.

He would want to chew on something after getting vaccinated. Or because he might be teething. It would be either your breast or his favorite pacifier. You decide.

I say, whether it’s a baby zombie or a demonic baby you have, it’s going to be a tough job managing either. So what you do is , keep in tact your sanity, do not worry … and yust laugh.

How to manage a sick baby – read the post … it’s good. Also applies to a vaccinated baby.


Post # 624 : The tale of my hoo-haa.

My husband is a good man. Almost a saint. And I am a woman. But I am a woman.

Since i have become a mom, he has lost all eyes for me as a woman. My baby and my husband think that i am holy. For the reason, one refuses to let go of the … ahem … milk-source; the other refuses to be any place near it.

My gyno raped my hoo-haa – she called it an episiotomy. Well, for all i know, the woman goddamn mummified it. And now i have something that if i show, would only be agreed to be shown to, by Frankenstein. Only he would have a field day with it. Only he could have a field day with it.

Female anatomy has three holes. An episiotomy helps you in having a simple anatomy – you get to have two holes – and no hoo-ha. No distinguishable hoo-ha.Lottarraaaaayyy for anyone’s, any kinky dream. Not mine.

My normal, vaginal delivery turned out to be worse than a c-section. It took me 3 – hole whole months , straight of recovery. It was like having something between my legs the hole whole time. Extremely painful. No fun.

God bless my saint-of-a-husband who took his-haggard-of-a-wife and flew her to her mum’s. And even now that i am all well. He still wants me to get better. The guy’s awesome. I refuse to refuse to go back. I say, enough of the sainthood.

As i write this, i am packing to go back to my husband. To my place. To my home. To my tail. To my tale.

Post # 625 : Weaning – from bottle to breast – then back!

If you think you are being a good mom by exclusive breast feeding you are dead wrong – good mom means going out on a limb for your baby and shit. But exclusive breast feeding will render you limb-less. You would know what i mean.

For me, the day when my son was born , is filled with many sweet memories – and that he refused to suck on my boob. After that – he refused to suck on anything else.

My barely-there-hoo-haa made it impossible for me to give him the bottle. So i did early woman. That gradually weaned him from the bottle.

With time my hoo-haa got shinier. I started going out.Most moms would know that you cannot latch out your boob in the open – not because you feel embarrassed but because there are creeps out there – and sometimes because you are too sick – Many reasons. So when i started re-giving him the bottle, he bit the nipple, hissed at me … chuckled. Chuck. Crap.

After researching wonderful wide web, I gathered to make him take the bottle:

in the dark ; with nipple warm and drenched in my milk ; rocking; singing his favorite lullaby. That did the trick. For 2 days.

Until after ….

One day , i saw my mom, wiggling the bottle infront of him . “Hey honey, this is your bottle … you are gonna drink from it”. I lurched at the scene . But by then the damage had been done. He had taken in , the minutest details of the bottle, had tasted it , held the visual image and sensation of touch in his memory – he had recognized the bottle.

He now recognizes ‘it’ in the dark as well.

I give it to him in his sleep now. Hoping that it’d get him used to it. That he would somehow start liking it. Boobs crossed.

Post # 626: All kids are awesome.Bitch.

My baby wins. Your baby sucks. Yayyyyyy.

This is what every mother thinks about her every Tom, Dick and Harry. All and sundry.

Every child is gifted is cliched. But still quite true and quite quotable. i like to brag about mine. This does not mean that I am ridiculing yours. Let’s analyze a few responses when I tell them how smart my kid is.

The kid said ‘Boo’ when he was 3 weeks old when he wanted to be fed. He says it whenever his feeding object slips out from his mouth. The kid’s a friggin genius. Phew. Enough of the rant i guess. Let’s get to the facts.

So where were we? Yeah:

The Friend : Are you sure? Kids make random noises.

The Relative: Same shit here woman. Same ol’ same ol’.

The Other Relative : But his head is a funny shape.

The In-law : Let’s not even go there.

Post # 627 : When to say ‘no’ – baby sleeping schedule.

As I sit curled up on the couch, watching my baby sleep at 1 p.m. in the afternoon, oh the joys of stay-at-home-mums, i recall how i set up his sleeping routine. Man it was hell. Man he was a tough nut.

Back in the day when my hoo-haa was still raw and ugly. Split-and-stitched. I had had enough. Either the young man’s sleeping schedule was to get in line with mine. Or something like that.

So everyday, in the afternoon, i would drag my dead hoo-haa, draw the curtains, and feed the young guy in minimal light. i know feeding means connecting and shit but try doing that for 2 hours straight and … you know. At first he would suck for hours. At the end of which i would be so numb that i would feel rack-less. If you know what i mean.

This went on for days. I became more persistent. He became less stubborn.

He now sleeps from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. daily. God bless.

Baby Post # 628 : Crying absolutely does not help lungs to expand.

If anything crying helps you have a cranky, crabby, crazy baby. And no it certainly does not help lungs to expand. If that’s of any consolation. Hell no.

Like i say babies are human beings. I still stick by it. Would you leave your best friend alone if she’s crying her heart out over a dead lost boyfriend ? Worse when she is not comfy? Still worse if she is hungry?

Babies cry , generally and particularly for five reason. Mostly. Usually.

They are hungry

They are not comfy – too hot , too cold

They want to burp

They need to whistle like a railway engine – pass gas!

They are sleepy

So save yourself , her lungs, every one’s sanity and your baby’s well being by making a check list of the above.

And no crying absolutely does not help lungs to expand – neither yours, nor your babies.

Post # 629 : Managing a sick baby.

At last the inevitable has happened – my flu virus has been transferred to my little  cub. So as a rule I am violating all my rules – this includes the sleeping rule, the rocking rule, the lap rule and on and forth. I will do posts on these rules later. No regrets. Oh fuck

A sick baby is a baby from hell – she would lash out at you with fire-y and fier-y nostrils at the merest of mistakes. So what i do is violate all my rules for my little cub. I let him sleep whenever he wants to, rock him till kingdom come, hold him in my lap … i am a government whose autocracy is quite vulnerable to ‘baby sickness’. Been there done that. Yes.

This means getting him acquainted to his sleep schedule all over again later… and you can get the rest. But this makes him a happy baby. After all how many times would a baby get sick? That is if you are a good mum. i tell ya.

But there is certainly one thing that i would be doing religiously – getting the heck outa the house and grabbing an anti-bacterial handwash. It’s as important as offering your daily prayers – better it’s going to the church every two hours, everyday.

P.S. I used baby vicks vaporub on his feet and a very thin layer on his neck. You gotta comb out the congestion. Baby loves vicks. 

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