Post # 619 : OMG honey, our 3 month old is teething!

I have a baby. He does not cry. He feeds every 20 minutes; apart from feed that he wants after every diaper change, bath, massage. But I have a baby who does not cry.


Me : In the kitchen staring at … don’t remember what. With rhino-thorn hair, drenched in my own milk, one boob hanging out from the maternity bra.

Hubby : In the living room with baby darling.

Hubby : “Awesome”.

Me : Shaken out from my daze.

Hubby : “OMG honey, our 3 month old is teething!”.

Me : Dashes out, faster than milk comes from boobs, to the living room.

Hubby and Baby : Both grinning – one with a teeth-y smile , the other with the silhouette of a tooth.

Me : Faints.

Me : Wakes up after 20 minutes.

Baby feeds every 20 minutes.


Post # 620 : Dummies turn babies into freaks.

There is nothing uglier sadder than seeing a baby with a dummy in his mouth. If anything, starting your baby on dummies will help you heaps with bringing up a clingy child from hell.

Dummies make kids loo-natics. They also , not only make them highly dependent freaks but also, latter, these children end up with having eating problems. And these little freaks fussy , children refuse to talk. Try talkin’ with a tuna sandwich in your mouth. Or whatever your adult fantasy pacifier is. No, I am not interested in knowing your fantasies.

Starting your baby on dummies means you are suppressing an underlying need. Remember, babies are humans?

Imagine your boss starting you on dummies – so that you stop whining. What would happen? You would stop telling. Talking. Eating.  Your dummy would become your best friend. You would become a loo-natic. A freak.

So what do you do? You read my article on ‘crying. You check what’s wrong with your baby. Hungry? Sleepy? Uncomfortable?

There have  been nights … and days when i have been tempted to start my baby on dummies – he hasn’t caught the air of them – everytime i hear him cry i check my checklist, but sometimes he uses me as a human dummy. Ouch. But manageable. Yes. Hoorah!



Post # 621 : The shape of my baby’s head.

If you are a mom , you would know that this topic is mostly sensitive … and always downright offensive.

At 6 weeks postpartum, what i had to hear and bear was, ” WTF have you done to your kid’s head?”.’

The ventouse delivery had given my baby’s head a cone shape. With people talking about his head, all my aspirations of ‘making your kid comfortable in his own skin‘ went down the god forsaken drain. I could well see the kick , my kid’s head, was giving to people. So i fucked my aspirations – myself.

Plagiocephaly /craniofacial surgery was not an option – because we did not have the god damn money … and thankfully because his case wasn’t as severe.I started trying the old tricks – placing him, as much as my stubborn little guy would allow it, on his back – while playing, sleeping, munching on moma’s breast etc. etc.I also used my palm, under his head, when he was sleeping – to help straighten the cone shape – i have almost lost the blood supply to my hands.

Now that he is 3 and a half months old – you cannot tell him from a normal kid – or his head.

And after this, something more that i get to hear is … “Oh , but his nose is a funny shape”. “Try pinching it”. I tell them that’s his brain overflowing in his nose – my kid’s a genius! My kid’s awesome!

You can’t keep up with all the crap that people offer you know.

Post # 622 : Breast pumps freak me out.

I hate breast pumps. There. I have said it. It’s off my breasts chest. Out there in the open.That’s partly because I love feeding my baby au naturale – and majorly partly because i am friggin’ scared of the damn thing.

I saw this video sometime when i was pregnant …I watched it  in horror, sitting on all fours on the couch.

How to use a breast pump

First you gotta fit in your nipple in the tube.Then with a buzzing sound, you hafta wait while the nipple recalls producing milk, reaches out and gets around the job.It still gives me nightmares about my nipples:

Woman loses nipple to a breast pumpBreaking news on ‘what the fuck’ local news channel.

My breasts gush forth love … and milk at the sight of my baby. To replicate the experience, it is suggested in the vid and in general, that you put your baby’s pic in front of you… to get the gold flowing. WTF. To me, that feels like doing a friggin’ porno. You know.

I say ….

I feel for working moms or anyone, who cannot afford to feed their babies , and so resort to using breast pumps. As for myself, I say i am certainly more than a cow in the farm.

Disclaimer : All views in this post are intended at ‘me’, mumhoody, I , in no way, am ridiculing, judging, hurting, …. judging anyone or anybody, in particular or in general. All mothers are awesome.

Post # 623 : Baby vaccination – oh hell.

There comes a time in a baby’s life when he starts seeing the evil side of life – that’s the vaccination time.

Last to last time, when my baby was vaccinated, it shook his baby foundations. The side effects were so bad that we called up the doc’s a dozen times. The damn Rotarix (Diarrhea) vaccination had turned my little guy into a baby zombie  an unresponsive baby.

And just yesterday, when they injected him with a combo of 4 vaccines, he has been into a demonic frenzy. Extremely fussy. Refuses to sleep. Striking his ‘vaccinated butt/thigh’ on the bed without a stop. And eating his fists. My heart goes out to my poor little guy.

Your baby can feel pain and fever. Calpol infant/Baby Panadol is a friend not a foe. Embrace it. Get yourself a good night’s sleep before you get your baby vaccinated. Be ready for a fussy baby who squirms and gets restless while sleeping.  Cuddle him. Till he gets tired of you. Yes.

He would want to chew on something after getting vaccinated. Or because he might be teething. It would be either your breast or his favorite pacifier. You decide.

I say, whether it’s a baby zombie or a demonic baby you have, it’s going to be a tough job managing either. So what you do is , keep in tact your sanity, do not worry … and yust laugh.

How to manage a sick baby – read the post … it’s good. Also applies to a vaccinated baby.

Post # 624 : The tale of my hoo-haa.

My husband is a good man. Almost a saint. And I am a woman. But I am a woman.

Since i have become a mom, he has lost all eyes for me as a woman. My baby and my husband think that i am holy. For the reason, one refuses to let go of the … ahem … milk-source; the other refuses to be any place near it.

My gyno raped my hoo-haa – she called it an episiotomy. Well, for all i know, the woman goddamn mummified it. And now i have something that if i show, would only be agreed to be shown to, by Frankenstein. Only he would have a field day with it. Only he could have a field day with it.

Female anatomy has three holes. An episiotomy helps you in having a simple anatomy – you get to have two holes – and no hoo-ha. No distinguishable hoo-ha.Lottarraaaaayyy for anyone’s, any kinky dream. Not mine.

My normal, vaginal delivery turned out to be worse than a c-section. It took me 3 – hole whole months , straight of recovery. It was like having something between my legs the hole whole time. Extremely painful. No fun.

God bless my saint-of-a-husband who took his-haggard-of-a-wife and flew her to her mum’s. And even now that i am all well. He still wants me to get better. The guy’s awesome. I refuse to refuse to go back. I say, enough of the sainthood.

As i write this, i am packing to go back to my husband. To my place. To my home. To my tail. To my tale.

Post # 625 : Weaning – from bottle to breast – then back!

If you think you are being a good mom by exclusive breast feeding you are dead wrong – good mom means going out on a limb for your baby and shit. But exclusive breast feeding will render you limb-less. You would know what i mean.

For me, the day when my son was born , is filled with many sweet memories – and that he refused to suck on my boob. After that – he refused to suck on anything else.

My barely-there-hoo-haa made it impossible for me to give him the bottle. So i did early woman. That gradually weaned him from the bottle.

With time my hoo-haa got shinier. I started going out.Most moms would know that you cannot latch out your boob in the open – not because you feel embarrassed but because there are creeps out there – and sometimes because you are too sick – Many reasons. So when i started re-giving him the bottle, he bit the nipple, hissed at me … chuckled. Chuck. Crap.

After researching wonderful wide web, I gathered to make him take the bottle:

in the dark ; with nipple warm and drenched in my milk ; rocking; singing his favorite lullaby. That did the trick. For 2 days.

Until after ….

One day , i saw my mom, wiggling the bottle infront of him . “Hey honey, this is your bottle … you are gonna drink from it”. I lurched at the scene . But by then the damage had been done. He had taken in , the minutest details of the bottle, had tasted it , held the visual image and sensation of touch in his memory – he had recognized the bottle.

He now recognizes ‘it’ in the dark as well.

I give it to him in his sleep now. Hoping that it’d get him used to it. That he would somehow start liking it. Boobs crossed.